Day #7. The last day of the first week of the November Blog challenge. So far I’m really enjoying myself. I’m more aware all day of the thoughts passing through my head because I anticipate taking them out and looking at them again when the workday is over and I can settle down and think about what to write. Several people have suggested that I avail myself of some of the innumerable blog prompt resources out there, but so far I like going through the day with basically no idea if or when any kind of inspiration will strike. The whole day has a new rhythm and focus with this task waiting for me at the end of it. I haven’t figured out very much about that yet, but in all honesty I think that’s what I enjoy most about this so far. Something new is taking shape in the way my mind works and as long as I keep putting words on the page then I get to see how it turns out.
I’ve never really written regularly except in journals, an exercise which never lasted very long. I’ve written to calm my nerves, to help me make decisions, as a tool in figuring out what I think or feel and why. It’s a tool I’ve used more and more rarely as I get older, possibly because I used it when wrestling with emotional challenges, and that’s not something I do in the same way now that I did 20 years ago. As I mentioned in a recent post, I am more able to observe my own feelings now than I was as a girl, which means that I don’t always need the artificial separation that a pen and paper afford. What I do notice is that I do much more thinking than I used to, and that I have little to no experience writing about that. I think this is part of what I’m supposed to be learning ]with this project. How does one write about a thought? Is it personal, does one own it with “I” and “mine?” Or does one step away from it, allow it a form and sense of its own, described in third-person detachment? What about the context? How many details are necessary? How much backstory? What emotional frame is necessary, and what weight should it have?
So I get to start figuring this out, with nothing but the contents of my own head and 4 decades of experience with words. 7 days in and I can’t quite tell how I’m doing. The words sound like me, which I think is the most authentic route to what I’m after. The few paragraphs I’ve put together so far make sense to me, although I notice that some ideas take several tries. I haven’t seen a pattern to those yet, but I very much suspect that there is one, and that when I recognize it, my sense of what and how to write will be enriched by that knowledge.
23 days left in the month, 23 days to watch this process at close range and see how it unfolds. Thank you, readers, for accompanying me, for walking beside me as I essentially talk to myself aloud to see what I have to say. Your patience is greatly appreciated.
©Mary Braden 2013